Going from Maiden to Mother Mode

My house is a bit of a circus. I live with three guys and two cats full time, with a girlfriend, a wee person (one of the guy's three year old daughter) and an Italian Greyhound here half of the time. If the house wasn't entertaining enough with the two cats before hand, well there's never a dull moment now. And it's not a big bouse either. Only two bedrooms and one bath room. At least the living room is rather large as one of the guys lives in it and we still have enough room for everyone to use it as a living room.

The craziness of the living situation has brought me to terms with something I only have a few years left to get started on: motherhood.

I still think of myself as young person but the truth is I'm pushing 30. Not saying 30 is old, but I know that once you pass 35ish the riskier it is to have children of your own. Now I'm not married yet and the other half has stated that he's fine with being an older father. Plus, our career, financial and living situations are not what we would want if we did decide to have children. Several time throughout the last year I've been asked how long we've been married or how many kids we have and most of the time it hasn't made me think twice. But with our 1 year anniversary of being an official couple (long story, but it only took 4 years for that to happen) and the roommate moving in as part of the divorce process from his wife and me getting to help with the little one really has me thinking about kids and what kind of mom I'd be.

There are thing you make note of as you grow up of what you do and do not want to repeat with your kids. Despite my normal adversion to children I have been keeping a list of my own. I know I want my kids to be in Scouts (both Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts) as I like the opportunities my brother and I had as a result of being involved with them. I'd like to get my kids into wall climbing and maybe yoga. (Talk about cool physical activities that don't make you feel like you suck because you can never hit the ball when at bat!) I also know that I don't want to force a specific religion on my children. Rather I want to expose them to a variety of belief systems and teach them to decide and choose for themselves. However, I know that I want to observe pagan celebrations and involve them in it.

Yes, that is forcing a specific set of religious beliefs on them, but I feel that the pagan wheel of the year lines up better with secular seasonal observances than anything else. Plus the Wheel of the year is a great way to teach kids about the seasons and introduce them to different activities associated with each. And helping my roommate celebrate the holidays with his daughter is making me want one of my own. I know I'm not ready to pass into the cycle of life where one enters the aspect of the Mother from that of the Maiden, but life seems to be telling me it's time.

As the Veil Thins

As the days grow closer to Samhain I can feel it. I awoke this morning with a cheerful disposition and found that it was pleasantly foggy and misty outside. Just my kind of morning. That is one thing I miss about being up north in Washington, the cool mornings where curling up with a warm tasty beverage and reading were the thing to do. However, rather than reading books this year I have been reading up on Samhain traditions and am trying to plan another ritual. However, this year's ritual will not be as extravagant as last year's was due to the confined quarters in which I currently reside. I don't know how well the roommates would respond to me doing a full on ritual and I wouldn't be able to have the privacy or quiet I would need for such an undertaking. So the most I am going for will be meditating on my loved ones who have passed, creating a small altar for them, most likely baking something, and doing a tarot reading.

Speaking of rituals, I actually came across and new incense that's perfect for rituals. It's the Sapphire—Devotion one from Magnifiscents. It blends wonderful scents of sandalwood, clove, benzoin, and spices that reminds me of my favorite occult shop. Ideally I'd love to make my own incense, but f that's not an option, this one is a great filler. Also sandalwood is used for purification, clove is useful for vision and cleansing, benzoin provides focus, and spices add to the mystery of the divine. I also believe that incense is a great way to represent air and to induce meditation.

If I don't write again, have a blessed Samhain.

Callings of a Welsh Goddess

Ceridwen and her cauldron.

Ever since I started to learn about the old ways I have wondered what God and Goddess would call to me. For awhile I thought a lot about Brigid and her association with fire, one of my prime elements. Despite her power over fire she didn't speak to me in a specific or special way that I assume the correct deity for me should.

Last night a stumbled upon mention of Ceridwen and there has been a power associated with her name that has stuck in my mind since. I don't know if this is the Goddess calling out to me, but I do know that throughout my life specific things have come to me and stuck with me. This was true when I picked my confirmation name, Augustine.

Augustine had not even been on the list of names I was thinking about choosing, but the name came to me in a dream and even at the age of 16 I knew it was MY name. Upon waking I a made a point to learn more about St. Augustine and found that his path in life spoke to me on a personal level. I no longer consider myself Catholic, but I do still consider Augustine to be my name.

Augustine derives from August, which in turn comes from Latin Augustus. The description in the American Heritage Dictionary for 'August' is as follows: inspiring awe or admiration. For this reason I choose to keep Augustine as part of my person nomenclature.

Back to Ceridwen, her name seems to have a similar power over me and I know it is an important name to me. So I've spent the morning learning about her and after reading her legend, I remember discussing  her in my Anthropology class on religion and beliefs. Ceridwen is both the mother and the crone. She is protective and vengeful. Wise and headstrong. She is exactly like me.

In morned Paganism, Ceridwen is considered the patron goddess of witchcraft with her status of crone and association with her cauldron and brew. Even if she turns out to not be my patron goddess, she is a good one to honor and show reverence to. For these reasons I think I will begin to explore and meditate on her further.

Seasons Change

It's now officially October and while the rest of the Northern Hemisphere is enjoying cooler weather, here in the San Francisco Bay we are enjoying Indian Summer. That right, October hits and we start setting records for the highest temperatures reached this year. Yes, they days are getting shorter and the nights longer, but how is one supposed to celebrate the onset of the darker time of year when it's still 80 degrees out at 11pm? What's even more perplexing is that leaves on trees are changing colors and falling off just like they're doing everywhere else.

Most of what I have learned indicates that pagans and witches are now preparing to settle in for the winter and are focusing on home and hearth more and more. Yet, here it's extremely difficult to. My house is currently too hot to fire up the oven and bake and the temperature calls for iced tea rather than spiced cider. Autumn is my favorite time of the year and thus I am sad that I cannot observe it the way I would like. Yet, there are little things I can do. For example, consuming fruits of the season such as pomegranates, figs and apples, buying pumpkins and placing them around the house in preparation for Samhain, and collecting leaves and making decorations with them. I just wish I could start wearing sweaters, boots and scarves while enjoying the richness and warmth of the season.

Mabon Thoughts

Mabon, the Moon Festival, however you want to call it, the Autumn Equinox is here.

There are lots of traditions surrounding the equinox and the last harvest. San Francisco is currently holding the Autumn Moon Festival in Chinatown as a way of celebrating the Chinese observance of the last harvest of the summer. In more European traditions people are observing Persephone's transition from this world to the Underworld. Those who follow more Celtic ways see this as a time related to Mabon and Madron. Now matter what you believe, there is something to celebrate and observe at this time of year.

Fall has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I love the weather starting to turn and the ground fog that it brings here to California. (Ironically here in the Bay Area ,where I now live, Fall means the fog goes away until Winter brings it back.) The leaves start to turn and if you go for a bike ride you can enjoy aiming for the biggest ones and making them crunch under your tire. (This is a pleasure I got to indulge in from childhood through college.)

As I'vee been exploring Paganism and Witchcraft I have been trying to make and effort to more actively observe each Sabbat in the Wheel of the Year. And the Equinox today was no exception. Mabon is a time to focus on the home and balance within yourself. This is a reflection of the balance between day and night that is achieved today. It's also the signal that the seasons are changing, as we welcome Fall and say goodbye to summer.

My efforts this year to observe Mabon have been fairly interesting. I spent a fair amount of time over the last two weeks researching the Sabbat and figuring out how I can easily observe it while living with 4 other people at my boyfriend's house. I don't know how all of the feel about Pagan beliefs and rituals,  so I wanted to find something I could do that was symbolic of the change as well as giving myself a way to show my thanks and appreciation for the bounty of summer. What I came up with was making an Autumn lantern, which incorporates leaves and allows me to channel my energy into the work.

Autumn Lantern using leaves and wax paper.

As an Aries I have a strong connection to the element of fire. I've always enjoyed burning candles and my favorite childhood memories come from sitting in front of the wood burning stove in my parent's living room. Plus, with the onset of the dark time of the year, we will often find ourselves turning to the Lord and Lady for guidance in these dark times. Thus using fire and candles to honor the season made sense to me.

I'm constantly trying to find balance between my spiritual life and my mundane one, so when the two come closer together it's a beautiful thing. Last night while I was reading about Mabon lore, my boyfriend asked me about what I was reading and then commented that he wished he knew more about Pagan holidays and the Wheel of the Year. I don't expect him to become Pagan just because I am, but it makes me incredibly happy that I don't have to hide my beliefs from him and that he's actually supportive of my beliefs.

I know I've rambled on and I've tried to keep it flowing. For me part of the balance of Mabon is the reflection on my life and this entry is my way of doing just that. And with that Happy Mabon and blessed be!

Opening the Book

As Autumn is arriving and the house has been cleaned, there is an energy in the air that has my creative and spiritual juices flowing.

For the past few days I have been working on a painting for my boyfriend for his birthday this weekend. I'm really proud of what I accomplished in it. When I finished the piece today I had excess energy and momentum left over from it. In addition, I recently brought back several of my books on paganism and magic and have been feeling drawn to the subject matter contained within them. Thus upon finishing the painting I started doing research on various magical and spiritual topics.

I started by researching Mabon practices and rituals and found myself moving onto an article about how to create a Book of Shows while being a broke college student. This article got me thinking about my own BoS and my desire to have one. Now I do have a book into which I started writing my BoS two years ago. But so far all I have in it is the Wiccan Reede and the Charge of the Goddess. It's a good start, but I'm stumped on how I want to organize it and this is why I have not progressed further on it. However, after reading Luna's article I have a few ideas for going about collecting the information and starting my BoS while still giving myself time to decide on how to organize the written version. So Now to make a digital BoS and figue out what exactly I want in my written BoS.

A Time of Balance and Reflection

Recently the Dalai Lama made a post to Facebook that seems to have resonated with most everyone I know. It goes as follows:

"All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether."
—His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama, September 10, 2012

Of all the major religious leaders in the world today, the Dalai Lama's message of universal peace and compassion resonate the most with me. This statement above comes as leaders in the religion I grew up in condem the works of the modern world more and more. This condemnation just makes them seem more out of touch with the world than they already are perceived as being.

The Dalai Lama's comments combine with the approach of Mabon and its emphasis on balance in life and self reflection make this an especially personal Mabon for me. I have come to find out that my other half is incredibly supportive of me Pagan leanings. (I think it helps that his aunt is Pagan.) I do feel that in many aspects od my life I have been blessed.

Last year I wanted to start observing Sabbats on a more regular schedule, rather than when I remember to. I think first I need to bring the Goddess and God into my life more. Previously I was envisioning grand rituals honoring each sabbat, but I think finding ways to incorporate the Lord and Lady into my daily life is a smarter decision. As I was always told, "start small and work your way up."

With this mindset I want to find some small ways I can incorporate Mabon into my normal life at this time of year. Given that I have been working on getting my boyfriend's kitchen into more of a "witchy" atmosphere I don't think this will be very hard. 

Mabon Altar